new again

Time keeps going, Oliver keeps growing, things change and stay the same and I try to picture what our lives might look like a year from now, but without much successful.  We could be living anywhere, doing so many different things. 2015 was a strange year, without anything big happening to us, just lots of little things that we try our best to enjoy as they come. We hoped to be in a different place by now, but again, that's okay... I like to think that we're learning to be happy where we are, no matter the circumstances, because there will always be things outside of your control.

I always love that time between October and January, but why not love January, too? We had a fun Christmas, full of family and eating and even a little bit of snow. Christmas Day was so warm that we went for a hike wearing only sweaters, and felt almost too warm, but since then it's been feeling more wintery. We got some more snow this week, the light and powdery kind, and Oliver is learning to love it.

My sister-in-law had a baby in early December, but since they live in Alaska, we've yet to meet Oliver's very first cousin in person yet. But he's finally got competition for one set of grandparents' attention, and I'm really excited for the day when we can meet our new niece.

Oliver is almost 16 months old now, and turning more and more into his own person, with all his traits we recognize and obsess over, wondering which ones will stick around. He's grown slightly more fond of books, and his current favorites are Brown Bear, Brown Bear and Where's Spot? which we have read approximately one hundred times in the past two days. He loves music and hitting things with sticks, he loves the outdoors, swinging, and any game that involves chasing, being thrown in the air, or put on someone's shoulders. He recently discovered how to 'hide' from us behind his hands, and that's a big favorite with him right now, too. He also loves a little game my dad invented, where Oliver fake coughs and the person watching him says "ooh," and he laughs uproariously and then coughs again. And repeat.

There's a lot I could say about him - he still hates naps, runs to investigate the tiniest of noises across the house, and squeals with excitement when his dad comes home from work - but there will always be too much to write it all down. He loved having my siblings around for Christmas, and getting all of their attention, too, especially when my brother would put him on his shoulders and skip around the kitchen. My brother also introduced him to sledding, after the first snowfall this winter; we put Oliver into a plastic tub, tied a rope on the end, and slid him around the backyard. He wasn't quite sure what to think, but it was fun to watch. Oliver is so lucky to have all these people in his life who adore him, and I'm so lucky to have him.

the smartphone age

The other day, my husband called me to tell me to listen to the radio, because he was listening to an interview with Sherry Turkle and it was blowing his mind.  For years, we've had conversations about how much screen time etc is appropriate for a kid, and what we will do with Oliver as he gets up, with me usually advocating for much less compared to my husband.  But listening to her, he suddenly decided it was time to cut back on screen time for us as we played with Oliver.

Turkle talks about the way conversation and communication changes, just by having a smartphone out (even if you're not using it).  There's this idea that people pick it up in awkward moments, or even to do something helpful (like double-check a fact), but that we rely on our phones so much that we've forgotten how to spend quality time together, and even how to be bored.

One of the main points that stood out to us, as parents to a one-year-old, is her comments about how smartphones make us forget things we should know, like that babies need interaction and parents talking to them.  She talks about a father who got used to using his smartphone when his 2-year-old daughter was taking a bath, instead of talking to her and playing with her.  This was sort of uncomfortably true for us, because sometimes when Oliver is happily playing on his own, I might pull out my phone, and I don't want him to have this picture of us, always sitting on our phones or laptops while he does his own thing.

Anyway, I don't think phones or computers are inherently evil, and having a smartphone makes a lot of things in life so much easier, but for us, it has been helpful to start setting some rules.  I try to keep my phone plugged in or put away when I'm spending time with Oliver, and if we go somewhere, I keep it zipped up in my bag so I'm actually enjoying interacting with Oliver instead of checking my phone when he shows me the same puzzle piece for the tenth time in a row.  I don't even think I was that bad, but it can't hurt to be more aware of how much time we spend online.  My husband doesn't actually have a smartphone, but he likes to come home and get out his laptop to unwind, and he's trying to keep his laptop put away until after Oliver goes to bed.

(Read what Turkle says here and here if you're interested in her studies and opinions.)